The sky might fall but I'm not worried at all

I'm so happy that it is finally spring.  It's definitely my favorite season.  I love it when all the trees start getting their leaves back and everything gets green again and looks alive.

I especially love spring because I can go for walks outside.  That's my favorite thing to do when the weather is nice.  I like going for walks with other people and just talking about anything that pops into my head.  To me there is nothing better than being outside when it's beautiful and just living life.  I know that I'm always in a better mood when the weather is nice, especially after all the nasty winter snow and cold.

Just the other day I went for a walk by myself.  It was on wednesday.  The whole time it looked like it was about to start raining at any minute.  A couple of times during my walk I thought about how much it would suck if it just started pouring rain on me because I was a pretty far distance from my dorm room.  But then a little part of me actually wanted it to start raining for some reason.  I don't know, it was just a random thought.  But anyways, going for walks is how I clear my head.  That's why winter sucks when it's cold and snowing outside.  I mean I could go outside then but that would just not be enjoyable obviously ha.   Whenever I walk by myself I sort everything out in my head that's been bothering me.  It's like the one time when I actually like being alone with my own thoughts.  Usually whenever I have extra time to myself and I start thinking about things I just get really sad for some reason.  But when I'm out in the nice weather it just seems like nothing is ever that bad.  I don't even know why but it just puts me in a good mood.

Maybe it's relaxing to me to go on walks in the spring weather because it helps calm all my stress and I feel like spring quarter is always the worst for stress with school because I'm just ready to be done with it all for a little while at this point.  I remember the first time I went for a walk in the spring last year.  I don't really want to talk about the details but I guess I'm just sentimental about some things and I wish I could go back to that time.  But that's another story for a different time I guess.

Now only if all this rain nonsense would go away maybe I could actually go for another walk!!

Love me or hate me,
Molly  :)

Basically, I wish that you loved me. I wish that you needed me....

Ok, so first, thank you to my roommate Lindsey Paige Delbello for posting the lyrics to this song as her mopey status on facebook last night because now I love the song.  Ha, have to cite my sources.  Anyways, the song that I'm talking about is The Nicest Thing by Kate Nash.  Here are the lyrics:

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favorite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favorite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favorite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

 

I love this song because it is so true to me.  It's about wanting to be everything to someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.  It's about the old saying the person you want and who wants you are never the same person.   The lyrics are so desperate sounding and I think that everyone at some point in their life has felt this way.  As much as I hate to admit it, I know I have felt this way and it's the worst feeling ever.

I know that most of the time I would rather act like my feelings don't exist and that they aren't important.  I'd rather act like I don't care one way or the other because if you never expect anything then you can never be disappointed.  When all you want is for someone to desperately need you in the most basic way possible and they don't feel the same way, well it  just plain sucks.  It's even worse when you tell that person that and then you feel like you just end up getting hurt.  No one likes to be vulnerable.  I hate talking about my feelings because I'm sick of them getting stomped all over.

So I guess that's why I really like this song because it expresses some of my feelings that I would just rather have go away.  I know that when there is something I would rather not talk about I try to find a song that expresses it and it helps me a little bit.

 

I've put a video of the song at the bottom of this if you would like to listen to it.  If you have any other great songs that you would like to share, feel free to tell me because I would love to listen to them.

 

Love me or hate me,

Molly :)

 

p.s.  thanks to anyone who has left comments.  I really enjoy reading what you have to say!

 

 

 

All the crazy shit I did tonight, those would be the best memories

So I should be studying for my dynamics quiz that I have tomorrow, but since I'm me, we all know that I lack any kind of focus when it comes to studying.  So I'll write this instead ha.

I love doing spontaneously crazy things with my friends.  Unplanned activities and adventures are definitely the best.  Whenever Lindsey, my roommate, and I aren't planning on doing anything or going anywhere sometimes we just decide to go do something out of the blue.  Like whenever we go out on tuesday or do silly things during the week.  We never plan them out and half the time we don't know where we're going to go until 10 minutes before we do it.  And those nights are always the best because they are unplanned and then the silliest things end up happening.

As an example as to why planning things never goes in our favor, here's an example.  So one saturday night Linds and I had plans to go over to my big's apartment for an "enjoyable" evening.  Before we went over, we decided to make a list of all these silly things we wanted to do that night after we planned on leaving my big's.  The list contained stupid stuff like "hold a stranger's hand" and for lindsey, "dance sexily with a sexy man" (holding hands with a stranger was actually completed by Lindsey, yay! haha).  Well, long story short, we never quite made it to other places outside of my big's apartment and the night was just really stupid and ended, well, not so great for the both of us (although we did have quite a good time at Jill and Nikki's!).

We had all these wonderful ideas of things we wanted to do that night but we never ended up completing even half the list.  I guess there were other factors that got in the way of us finishing the list, surprising, right? haha.

Well, what I am trying to say is that even though planning out nights is fun and gives you something to look forward, I would have to say that in my opinion, it is more fun to just see what happens.  It's also way more fun to wear silly outfits instead of trying to dress up and impress everyone.  Lindsey and I end up wearing old t-shirts and look like a mess when we go out and have the most fun.  Like the time Linds wore her shirt from our ketchup and mustard halloween costumes that just said "ketchup" across the front and I wore a shirt that said "math league" or something like that in the corner.   Just silly stuff like that makes for the best memories :)

So if you would like to have awesome fun like Lindsey and I have all the time, may I suggest living minute to minute instead of day by day, even if just once.  Who knows what silliness you might get into, at least if you're anything like us!

Love me or hate me,
Molly :)

"And in that moment I swear we were infinite."

One of my favorite quotes ever is from the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower which is a great book about growing up and trying to figure out who you are.  It is narrarated by a boy who goes by Charlie who is writing letters to a complete stranger telling them about his life and experiences.  So here is my favorite quote which I live by:

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

I love this quote because I truly feel that it describes me perfectly.  As lame as it sounds, I have actually thought quite a bit about the last part of the quote.  About trying to figure out how I can be happy and sad at the same time.  To me, my life is wonderful.  But to be completely happy would mean that I would have to achieve total perfection, which is unattainable.  What I have in my life is as close to perfection as I will ever reach, which is both happy and sad because I have a wonderful life in my eyes but I will never be perfect.

I think that to be both happy and sad with your life is to be completely content with what you have.  It means that you know your life is pretty great but you also realize that there will still be some flaws.  Aristotle is the one who said that it is most important to live a virtuous life than to live at one extreme, and being either happy or sad is just an extreme.  The virtue between happy and sad is where you should live your life and is how you can make the most out of your time here.

Hmmm maybe Charlie should brush up on his virtue ethics ;)

Love me or hate me,
Molly :)

Le Scaphandre et le Papillon

So you wanna know something?  I really, really enjoy watching french movies.  Like a lot.  I love french culture and I think the language is beautiful.  I was going to get a french language minor but, sadly, engineering got in the way and french classes wouldn't fit into my schedule :(  sad day, moving on.  So anyways, I have actually watched quite a lot of french movies.  So now I am going to share my all time favorite one with you.

The most inspirational movie I've ever seen (and book I've ever read) just so happens to also be a french film.  It is called  Le Scaphandre et le Papillion, translated to english as The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.  It is a memoir about the life of Jean-Dominique Bauby who was the editor-in-chief of Elle magazine.  In 1995 he suffered a stroke which caused him to go into a coma.  When he woke up from the coma, he was completely paralyzed except for his left eye.  The book tells about different experiences in his life, both before and after the stroke.  Now the extraordinary part is that he wrote his entire memoir himself after the stroke with the help of a transcriber who would read the alphabet in the order of most usage and Bauby would blink everytime he wanted a letter written down.  It took about 2 minutes to write a single word.

In the memoir, Jean-Dominique describes his life as being stuck in an old fashioned diving suit, trapped and far below the surface of the water.  Although he is completely paralyzed and unable to communicate with his family or anyone else, it is seen in the movie that he still has the same spirit and is still living, thus where the butterfly portion of the title comes from.

After seeing this movie, I decided to read the english translation of the book.  I was a senior in high school when I read it.  And it could not have been a better time for me.  The memoir put a lot of things in my life into perspective.  I had a lot of personal issues to deal with at the time and thought I would never be right again.  But then I read Bauby's memoir.  It really made me think about my life and my outlook on everything in general.  His book made me realize that even though you're living on the outside, it is more important to feel like you're living on the inside (if that makes sense to anyone ha). 

This whole story of Jean-Dominique Bauby is so inspirational to me because even when it seemed that his life was over, he still lived and was determined to do something that many people would see as impossible.  He chose to live and to write his memoir.  His spirit was still alive even though it appeared that he may as well have died.  Bauby is a source of hope for me.  The Diving Bell and the Butterfly made me realize that even in my worst situations, I have a great life and wouldn't trade it for the world.

So as I finish this post I would like to encourage everyone reading this to either watch this movie or read the book.  I know it has given me a better outlook on life.   I know life can seem so difficult at times but if you just step back for one minute and examine it all, you may find that it's all ok and that nothing is ever that bad, even if it may seem like it at the time.  So live your life like you have no problems and everything will fall into place.

Oh, and another good french movie is called Au Revoir Les Enfants if you're interested ;)

Love me or hate me,
Molly :)

allow me to re-introduce myself

So I decided to start a blog.  I'm not really sure who will take the time to read this, but that's irrelevant.  I made this for me so I can organize my thoughts and for anyone else who would like to read about it.  The hardest part about this was not what I was going to write about, but as dumb as it sounds, I had the hardest time thinking of a name for my blog.  The only title I could come up with was just "Molly".  Every other possibility for a title sounded like it came out of some 16 year old's mopey diary.  But that's besides the point.  For this first post I just wanted to talk about my outlook I am currently taking on life.  Ha. 

I feel that I am the most eclectic and random person ever.  If you've ever looked at the movies I own, well that's just one example of me making no sort of sense because they are so random.  If I were to write down a list of all the words I would use to describe myself none of the words would fit cohesively together to form an accurate picture of me as a person.  The only word that would actually describe me is "Molly".  If you ask me what I'm going to be doing next week, I'll probably tell you I don't even know what I'm doing in the next 5 hours, let alone next week.  The only thing I know for sure is that I strongly believe that God has planned my whole life for me before I was even born and what ever happens is how it has already been planned to happen.  I live in the present and feel apathetic about the past and the future.  I'm not a glass half-full or half-empty kind of person because it just doesn't matter.  All I know is that there's something in that glass and I don't really care how much is there.  Because in the long term, it's all the same.

In short, I would just like everyone out there who is reading this to understand a little bit more about me.  My name is Molly and whatever happens, happens.  So sit back, relax and let all that shit hit one shoulder and roll off the other because it doesn't matter :)

Love me or hate me,
Molly :)