"Cause it takes something more this time than sweet, sweet lies"

So I'm mildly obsessed with the song "This Years Love" by David Gray.  I hadn't heard it in what seemed like a million years but today it came up on the shuffle on my itunes.  I don't know, I just have a thing for depressing sounding love songs I guess ha.  Oh btw, I posted a video of the song too if you would like to listen to it :)

"This Years Love"

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

This song is about someone who just wants a relationship to work one more time.  I feel like everyone at one point or another holds onto someone just hoping that one day it will work out perfectly and the happy ending they always have wished for will actually come true.  Call me a romantic, which I don't want to admit to being (ha), but I have felt this way.  And it sucks.  Oh well, I guess that's just life, right??

Oh well, enough moping around for me for right now.  Later gator :)

Love me or hate me,

Molly :)

Remember little me??

I just have to rant for a second and get this off my chest.  Because I am very annoyed right now.  I am sick of feeling like some friendships are a one way street.  The phone works both ways you know.  Idk if it's just me being overly sensitive or what.  Maybe I just have too much time on my hands and that's why I feel like I always text people just to see how they are doing.  You know what I would love?  If someone would just text me for once and ask me how I'm doing.    But I guess not everyone cares enough or something.  Maybe I'm being ridiculous in thinking that it isn't too much to ask for people to just talk to me sometimes when they're my friend.  Idk, whatever.  I just had to write this down so I could get it out of my head and forget about it.  I really don't mean to complain but I just had to say something even if no one else reads this.  I'm also sick of feeling like I'm being annoying to some people.  If I'm annoying you then just tell me so I can stop feeling like an idiot.  Thanks.

Love me or hate me,
Molly :)

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

Something I wish I could improve is appreciating myself.  I'm not saying that I dislike myself or anything like that, I just wish that I could learn to like the parts of me that I don't think are so great.  I think it would be absolutely wonderful to spend a day seeing myself from someone else's point of view.  Because various people tell me all the time how great I am and good things about me that I can't seem to see in myself.  I think it would be really eye opening.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to sit here and complain about everything I don't like about myself or try to fish for compliments.  Because that is not what I'm doing at all.  I'm just saying that I really want to work on my self perception and self-esteem.  I don't think I can think of one person who accepts every single thing about themselves and sees it all as ok.  I just wish I could for once get to see what other people see in me.

I feel like a hypocrite for saying this now, after everything I just wrote, but I also wish that some people around me could see what I see in them and understand that I truly mean everything that I say about them.  Especially the people in my life that I am most open and honest and close to.  Believe me, I would not say nice things about you if I truly didn't mean them.  And in that case, we probably wouldn't be friends if I didn't have nice things to say about you. 

I think that everyone needs someone to tell them how wonderful they are because sometimes you might lose sight of that.  Everyone needs someone there when they are doubting themselves to tell them that they are great.  Sometimes I do things that I wish I could change or do differently or something that I'm not proud of.  And it's at times like these that I need someone to tell me that I'm still me and they know how fantastic I am.

I titled this post with a quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower (my favorite book btwww).  I like this quote because it is saying that you only get as much as you are willing to give yourself.  If you don't even love yourself then you can't expect anyone else to love you, partly because you won't be able to accept their love because you don't think you are worth it.  I guess I'm saying that I want to be able to fully accept myself so that eventually I can accept someone else's nice thoughts of me.  And for anyone reading this, maybe think about all the reasons why you are wonderful and why other people like you.  So the next time someone gives you a compliment, instead of saying how it isn't true, just accept it and reflect on why they like that about you.

Love me or hate me,
Molly :)

Here We Lay Again...Riding Phone Lines

Blahhhh so I haven't written a blog post in forevskisss cause of stupid school.  Yuck.  But now I'm done til next fall so that's nice for now :)  Anywho, I don't really know what to write about so I guess I'll just write about something that I've been thinking about a lot lately.

If you ask me what I think the best quality to look for in a guy, (or even friends for that matter) I would hands down have to say being able to talk to them and have great conversations.  Yeah, sure it's just lovely if they are super good looking but if they can't even hold a conversation with you then what's the point.  Plus at some point in every person's life you get old and gross and then what do you have left if you can't even talk with someone??  The best people in my life are the ones I can talk to all day long and never run out of things to say or talk about.

I'm not saying that every conversation is a deep, meaningful, "let's figure out the secret to life" conversation.  Because obviously they aren't like that.  But I just love having someone there to always chat with when I want to talk to a friend.  If you know me at all then you know that I text literally all the time and I always have my phone.  So I really appreciate all the people in my life that I constantly text just to chat with like literally everyday.  And I'm also sorry if it gets annoying :/ lol  I also very much enjoy just sitting around with my closest friends and just talking forever.  Late night talks are the absolute best, that's for sure :)

So I guess what I'm saying in this post (sorry if this one is boring!) is that I really do appreciate all my friends that are always willing to talk to me and listen to me even when it seems like I have nothing great to say at all.   It's what builds any relationship and is super important to me so I thank each and every one of you.  You all know who you are ;)

Love me or hate me,
Molly :)

The sky might fall but I'm not worried at all

I'm so happy that it is finally spring.  It's definitely my favorite season.  I love it when all the trees start getting their leaves back and everything gets green again and looks alive.

I especially love spring because I can go for walks outside.  That's my favorite thing to do when the weather is nice.  I like going for walks with other people and just talking about anything that pops into my head.  To me there is nothing better than being outside when it's beautiful and just living life.  I know that I'm always in a better mood when the weather is nice, especially after all the nasty winter snow and cold.

Just the other day I went for a walk by myself.  It was on wednesday.  The whole time it looked like it was about to start raining at any minute.  A couple of times during my walk I thought about how much it would suck if it just started pouring rain on me because I was a pretty far distance from my dorm room.  But then a little part of me actually wanted it to start raining for some reason.  I don't know, it was just a random thought.  But anyways, going for walks is how I clear my head.  That's why winter sucks when it's cold and snowing outside.  I mean I could go outside then but that would just not be enjoyable obviously ha.   Whenever I walk by myself I sort everything out in my head that's been bothering me.  It's like the one time when I actually like being alone with my own thoughts.  Usually whenever I have extra time to myself and I start thinking about things I just get really sad for some reason.  But when I'm out in the nice weather it just seems like nothing is ever that bad.  I don't even know why but it just puts me in a good mood.

Maybe it's relaxing to me to go on walks in the spring weather because it helps calm all my stress and I feel like spring quarter is always the worst for stress with school because I'm just ready to be done with it all for a little while at this point.  I remember the first time I went for a walk in the spring last year.  I don't really want to talk about the details but I guess I'm just sentimental about some things and I wish I could go back to that time.  But that's another story for a different time I guess.

Now only if all this rain nonsense would go away maybe I could actually go for another walk!!

Love me or hate me,
Molly  :)

Basically, I wish that you loved me. I wish that you needed me....

Ok, so first, thank you to my roommate Lindsey Paige Delbello for posting the lyrics to this song as her mopey status on facebook last night because now I love the song.  Ha, have to cite my sources.  Anyways, the song that I'm talking about is The Nicest Thing by Kate Nash.  Here are the lyrics:

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favorite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favorite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favorite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

 

I love this song because it is so true to me.  It's about wanting to be everything to someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.  It's about the old saying the person you want and who wants you are never the same person.   The lyrics are so desperate sounding and I think that everyone at some point in their life has felt this way.  As much as I hate to admit it, I know I have felt this way and it's the worst feeling ever.

I know that most of the time I would rather act like my feelings don't exist and that they aren't important.  I'd rather act like I don't care one way or the other because if you never expect anything then you can never be disappointed.  When all you want is for someone to desperately need you in the most basic way possible and they don't feel the same way, well it  just plain sucks.  It's even worse when you tell that person that and then you feel like you just end up getting hurt.  No one likes to be vulnerable.  I hate talking about my feelings because I'm sick of them getting stomped all over.

So I guess that's why I really like this song because it expresses some of my feelings that I would just rather have go away.  I know that when there is something I would rather not talk about I try to find a song that expresses it and it helps me a little bit.

 

I've put a video of the song at the bottom of this if you would like to listen to it.  If you have any other great songs that you would like to share, feel free to tell me because I would love to listen to them.

 

Love me or hate me,

Molly :)

 

p.s.  thanks to anyone who has left comments.  I really enjoy reading what you have to say!

 

 

 

All the crazy shit I did tonight, those would be the best memories

So I should be studying for my dynamics quiz that I have tomorrow, but since I'm me, we all know that I lack any kind of focus when it comes to studying.  So I'll write this instead ha.

I love doing spontaneously crazy things with my friends.  Unplanned activities and adventures are definitely the best.  Whenever Lindsey, my roommate, and I aren't planning on doing anything or going anywhere sometimes we just decide to go do something out of the blue.  Like whenever we go out on tuesday or do silly things during the week.  We never plan them out and half the time we don't know where we're going to go until 10 minutes before we do it.  And those nights are always the best because they are unplanned and then the silliest things end up happening.

As an example as to why planning things never goes in our favor, here's an example.  So one saturday night Linds and I had plans to go over to my big's apartment for an "enjoyable" evening.  Before we went over, we decided to make a list of all these silly things we wanted to do that night after we planned on leaving my big's.  The list contained stupid stuff like "hold a stranger's hand" and for lindsey, "dance sexily with a sexy man" (holding hands with a stranger was actually completed by Lindsey, yay! haha).  Well, long story short, we never quite made it to other places outside of my big's apartment and the night was just really stupid and ended, well, not so great for the both of us (although we did have quite a good time at Jill and Nikki's!).

We had all these wonderful ideas of things we wanted to do that night but we never ended up completing even half the list.  I guess there were other factors that got in the way of us finishing the list, surprising, right? haha.

Well, what I am trying to say is that even though planning out nights is fun and gives you something to look forward, I would have to say that in my opinion, it is more fun to just see what happens.  It's also way more fun to wear silly outfits instead of trying to dress up and impress everyone.  Lindsey and I end up wearing old t-shirts and look like a mess when we go out and have the most fun.  Like the time Linds wore her shirt from our ketchup and mustard halloween costumes that just said "ketchup" across the front and I wore a shirt that said "math league" or something like that in the corner.   Just silly stuff like that makes for the best memories :)

So if you would like to have awesome fun like Lindsey and I have all the time, may I suggest living minute to minute instead of day by day, even if just once.  Who knows what silliness you might get into, at least if you're anything like us!

Love me or hate me,
Molly :)